Hey everyone. ^yes im gonna confess something today^
I have been keeping this to myself because i never really knew if it was really true and i didnt want to believe it at the same time. The confession is that i have had depression for a long time. And the depression wasnt about being sad for a day or two. I was constantly depressed and well…lifeless for more than a month i think. Which means 30 days in row i have felt invisible and sad all the time, which meant that something wasnt right. I hated everyone and everything. I never wanted to hang out with friends. I didnt want to talk to anybody. I couldnt find any reason to eat because i felt that there wasnt any point. And well, i didnt want to live.
If you are feeling this constantly, then i really advice you to talk to someone that you trust or a consultant at the hospital about this matter. I didnt and well, it wasnt a very smooth journey back to being normal.
I dont really remember how i got out of that mess but sometimes when i think of the past, the feeling of depression would sink in and i would remember how heavy and sad it was. It was like this huge weight lying on me. And i hated that feeling. Like absolutely hated it. I wanted it to be gone and never come back. I got rid of it but today was the day of its return.
Today isnt as bad as before as i can feel the depression lifting away bit by bit. i felt depressed today because of a ridiculous reason so im not gonna let it out here because i personally find it embarrassing. I wanted something for so long and i grew attached to something that wasnt even given to me yet, but i had high hopes that i would eventually get it…but someone flew in and stole that thing from me so i was in loss, i felt very angry as i felt very betrayed. Well it wasnt her that manipulated everyone to give that something to her but people voted for her to get the thing instead of me, so i cant really say anything. However that was how i fell into depression all over again. Depression really sucks, i have to say. It sucks everything out of you.
But somehow i believe that i will step out of this mess like i did before and manage to live a better life. The life that i have is definitely not the most perfect life, as i have encountered and am encountering horrible things all the time… But i hope that this will go away soon.
And what’s more heart-stopping is that i have a speech competition tomorrow in front of all of seconday school and if i screw up……. I hope my anxiety wont come tomorrow and i really wish for it to go smoothly.
I have an addmaths test tomorrow also, so good luck to me! I just wanted to share this with you because i wanted to let it out and here i am letting it out. Goodbye, and i’ll talk to you soon.