The Day Is Coming…

A week from now, i will be moving away from my city to start uni/college. Wooohhh its so so close. I am nervous esp with things like doing the laundry, cleaning and washing dishes EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE omg ugh… but what i am excited about right now is the packing! i love packing and cleaning out things although it does make my eyes itch and make me sneeze like a hundred times!!

I will be making a post about my new year resolutions for 2016 soon! it feels like its getting shorter every year HAHAH 🙂

so for now, ciao! x

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Christmas

wednesday 23 12.48am

Christmas; my favorite holiday i must say. I’m not Christian nor religous at all in fact… but there’s something so special about holidays. It brings people together, rekindle lost relationships, provide opportunities to make love, share, make memories with friends and family and also, they bring in lots of money for business. haha :p

I may not believe in Christianity or any religion but i do believe in the spirit of joy and laughter. Holidays do that; they can bring happiness, that is, if you allow yourself to get into the holiday spirit. Its just so much fun. Different people may have different traditions for Christmas. For us, we don’t wrap presents, we don’t decorate a Christmas tree, we don’t pray and say thanks for Jesus or any sort, but we do get into some tradition which i believe is important for a holiday because that will make you look forward to it. We always bake and cook together (me and my sister). We get inspired by Christmas recipes and compile a list of what to make and we go grocery shopping and start buzzing around! It is so fun!

So, my point is, even if you dont like it, don’t be a Grinch. Goddammit, it just makes your life sad.. have some fun in your life!! My Dad doesnt approve of Christianity but that doesnt stop me from getting into the holiday spirit of Christmas and get super excited!!!!! Life should be filled with joy. I dont know, i think that’s it. hahah ok bye

Friendship???

tuesday 22 7.24pm

Friendship… i never thought about it as a complicated thing because i believe as long as you find a person who’s alright, its not hard to be friends. i dont know. i can go on and on about how to make friends but that’s really just… boring. This post is NOT about that. It is what i think about friends and friendship, and where i stand in that now.

I am in a confused state in my life right now. How close is a close friend supposed to be? Who are my friends? Do i even have friends- are the ones i am thinking of deserve to be called my close/best friends? Or are they just considered friends and i have just been stupid calling them close all this time?

Nothing has happened- no fights have been made between any of us in our friendship circle. I just floated away. And i still am floating. I dont know whether to stop and put in effort to swim back into the circle (umm i dont even know if i have the ability and will to do that anyway- that is if i choose this), just remain where i am, or allow myself to keep floating away and eventually i will find another place, another circle, another island to explore and discover.

I have grown so far apart from my friends. And im not sure what to do. Its like an abyss of dark weightless emptiness.

….. just a thought ….. i dont know what to do but sigh. at this point of my life, im just glad to have a sister that is fulfilling all i want and need in a best friend. dont call it lame.

A Trip To The Beach

tuesday 22 7.06pm

On the 20th to the 22nd, my family went to Damai for some family time and such.. It was such a memorable trip. I’ve come to love trips involving the beach. To me, the beach was like a safe haven to relax, have fun, make memories and let go of the pain and trouble. I was ecstatic when i heard the news of a 3 day trip!!!!

We ate breakfast altogether in the morning and later on moved all our bags into the car and set off. It was an hour ride from the city to the beach. There were quite a lot of bags especially since my parents were planning to go golfing on one of the days at the Golf Club.

This trip made me spend the longest time with my sister. We were inseparable during the trip, sometimes it was because we wanted to, but mostly it was because there was no choice. We sat next to each other, we walked alongside each other, we slept together in the same bed in the same room, etc. Im glad huge fights did not break out between us… which would have if we had to spend that much time together when we were younger. We are a lot more mature now, that goes for the relationship we have as well.

I am very grateful to my dad who arranged this trip and brought us to eat delicious food at restaurants. AH i still can taste the food in my mouth; my mouth is watering. The food was absolutely scrumptious! Besides loving the food, i believe this trip has really been what i wanted it to be. Alone time for our family. My parents nor my sister may not think the same but at least i do. This may be our last trip together as a family before i leave, but i doubt so. Anyways, it was a hella fun trip for the end of the year. What a nice end to 2015.

Update On My Life

Its been quite a long time since i’ve written a post. Hello, again.

Many things have happened since my last post: I finished school and took my igcse exams on the-end-of-oct ~ november. I have gotten a lot closer to my sister and possibly further from my friends… or maybe its just a phase. i dont know honestly. (will have another post regarding that another time). I have applied for university/college and have gotten my acceptance letter with a scholarship. I have found a room to stay in for the next year at least, and will be moving out in a month. I know next year is going to be a hell of a time; moving to another city alone with no friends, living away from my parents for the first time, starting uni, paying for things myself, etc.. it all sounds so different from the comfortable lifestyle i have gotten myself into the past years. It will all come to an end. With an end to something, it is always the beginning of something new. I am equally afraid yet excited. 

Update on Resolutions

thursday 28 12.37am

If you didnt know i made 4 resolutions this year, with no footnotes unlike the 5 resolutions i made last year with 5 small footnotes which gladly, i acheived most of them!

But thats not the point of this post. 

Recently, i dont know how but all of a sudden, there was a sudden pang that hit me with realization of the word ‘nice’

There was this quote that i absolutely adored that said ‘be around nice people and if you cant any, be the nice one’ or something like that. And i would just really look up and live by that quote until i realised what was ‘nice’ anyway????? 

I stopped liking that quote because of the possibility of not liking the word ‘nice’. Recently i was thinking about my surroundings and the people i had to mingle around with and there was one group that i just couldnt find anyone nice. Everyone was being a bitch to each other, gossiping behind their backs, picking fights with each other and all that nasty stuff. And i was in that group. It wasnt something i could just avoid because the group was formed for specific reasons. 

Everyone threw responsibilities around  and blamed each other if something went wrong. Avoiding doing tasks because they dont want to be burdened then picking at little things when other people do the task. Its really annoying and frustrating. But yeah.

No one was nice in that group so i thought okay lets be the nice one! But how???

Was i ‘supposed’ to take all the tasks since no one wanted to do them and put all the burden on myself just to be criticized and unhappy? Putting all the burden on me just because i wanted to be nice is not what i want. Yes i am so so so willing to do what it takes to be nice but i dont want to do these acts not only because i would be the only one suffering, but because i really dont know how do these is going to help anyone!! 

I dont know. Im just so confused because idont  know what nice means exactly. Soo for now until i-dont-know-when this will be a mystery.